Ya know what, Fuck you I can do it!

I am sick of the bullshit! I work my ass off, pay my bills, love my family. I show up, do my job, come home. I take care of my house, my kids, and make sure everyone has enough. I am fucking superwoman. I always look for the best in people and believe that others are genuinly righteous.

Not anymore! I believe there are some people that are just created evil and heartless. I believe that there are some people that take joy in bringing others down or hoping against hope that they fail.

To all of these people, I have this to say, "FUCK OFF". Seriously. You were the ones who told me that Eric and I would never last. WRONG. As we celebrated 9 years together, we laugh at your predicitons. You were the ones who said I would never graduate from college. Hmm, I guess I forgot to invite you to my party when I got my MASTER'S DEGREE.....

You were the ones who said I would be a lousy mom. Well, I have two of the most wonderful, well adjusted kids on the planet, and guess what. EVERYONE tells me I am a GREAT MOM! You were the ones who told me that I was too lazy to do anything about my weight. F-U I am down 80+Pounds!

Now, you have decided I will be unable to balance my work, home, and school life when I do my clinicals. You have no faith in my technical abilities, my program curriculum, or my balancing skills. Guess what: When I pass everything with flying colors and go on to make a difference in people's lives, it will be you who will miss having me to take care of your shit. You won't be able to hide behind me anymore.

I WILL SUCCEED, this is my destiny. I will do this without your blessing, your faith, or your understanding. I have my husband, my kids, my family, and my friends on my side. I don't need your negativity! You know who you are.

Reasons I need to move back home to Chicago

I am lonely out here. My only friends now live in my computer. No one gets to see my children grow up, me get skinny, or go out to the movies with me. I am bored out of my mind and am driving the whole family nuts. I am sick of school, sick of work, sick of wasting away my precious life doing nothing.

I miss Chicago.......sob, sob!

Still Tired

I am useless. I am so very exhausted it is not even funny. I promised meaningful, so here goes. I am reconnecting with my past lately. It has been wonderful to reconnect, but as a result I am even more exhausted because I am spending time talking and not sleeping. I am down almost 60 pounds, so I am hoping I will get more energy soon. Sorry I am so boring.

First week back full time

All I can say is I am exhausted. I will make a meaningful post soon......

When did I become boring?

I am going to let you in on a little secret. I am fucking hilarious in person. No, seriously, ask my friends. They will tell you I am a ton of fun, great for laughs, you know, I rock. But, little by little, I feel that my children are killing the fun in me. I used to go out and have deep, meaningful conversations, discussions about things, and then laugh. I was a passionate fighter, a true intellectual. But then, the kids came. Now, my fiercest debates are if we watch wonderpets or clone wars, and my children find it amusing when I personify inatimate objects and allow them to play Elmo over and over and over again. Here's another confession. I love Elmo, but the little bastard scares the shit out of me. Mainly because I know the baby would trade me in a New York minute for the little fucker. Yes, my language is offensive tonight. Deal with it.

I went back to work this week. Half days, but still. Yep, I did it and it is half way through. But, what should happen on my first week back? CAP, our accrediting agency came and inspected us. DAMN-IT! This is what we prepare for months for. We get this every other year, and it is stressful and a pain. But, why oh GOD, WHY did this have to happen on the day I was working 12-4? The day I could sleep in?

Here's how the day went. 3:41 the phone rings. It is one of my husband's employees. He got called in to work. So I am up for an hour or so because I can't sleep when I am woken up. So, he comes home at 6 and I go back to sleep. The phone rings at 6:30. This time it is my boss telling me the CAP inspection is today. She wants to know if I can come in early. Well, I have to take my mother-in-law to the neurologist at 9:30, so I come in after that. To find that they were done with my department's section of the inspection.....CURSED I TELL YOU!!!

So, to recap, I am no longer fun or funny and I never get to sleep in. If you made it this far, you must be Anne.

Me

So I go back to work on Monday, and I think I can handle it! Yes, I said it. I am feeling very lucky tonight. I had a rough eating day, a headach and cold, the kids were driving me nuts, I was sick of people talking shit about Obama. It was rough.

But a good friend made me realize that I am lucky to have kids that drive me nuts. That I am lucky I was able to have this surgery. I am lucky to have a husband that loves me. I am lucky to have good friends, a wonderful family, a great job, and a pretty nice life.

I think our country is headed into a great era. Bush is gone and Obama is already making good on promises. I don't know why I take it personally when people talk trash. Maybe because most of them are the same people who thought Bush was doing fine. But, onto the future for our country.

So, on Monday, I will go back to work. I will do my homework, I will be a great mom, I will be a great wife, and I will thank God for these gifts. Time to stop looking ahead and focus on now. Because some day, I will be older, the kids will be grown, and I won't remember the tough days.

Help Isabella get a new liver!

My friend Chasity has twin babies who were born very early and have both faced a lot of challenges. Landon has CP, heart issues, pacemaker, and developmental delays. Isabella's primary disability is her liver. She was diagnosed with cancer just before the holidays in 2007, and it came back around Thanksgiving 2008. Now she is on the waiting list for a transplant. Chasity is doing this with very little help as her husband could not handle the issues his children have and has left. Chasity is a single mom, working to pay the bills in a terrible economy and really needs our help. Because she has exhausted all of her vacation time she must take days unpaid for any illnesses the kids have. This means no money for hotels, food, etc. let alone the tranplant costs!

Chasity has set up a fund through the Children's Organ Transplant Association. If you can help, click on the link and go to Isabella's COTA page.

http%3A%2F%2Fcota.donorpages.com%2FPatientOnlineDonation%2FCOTAforIsabellaG&h=2eb127d78bd4e4696e9c67098912bf4c.

If you want to learn more about Chasity and the kids, please read http%3A%2F%2Flifelaughterloveliving.blogspot.com%2F&h=2eb127d78bd4e4696e9c67098912bf4c

Thanks!
Becki

Potty training and more

So the first thing I wanted to share is that I logged on to the employee site for PVHS and saw that they quoted my blog from my I love my surgeon post. It was odd, but very cool. I guess someone really is reading this besides Anne and Neil's cats. But, seriously, I could not be happier about how things went and I really want everyone to know how great my experience was.

On to other things. Peter is potty training. It is sad as he is my baby, but great because I hate diapers once they hit about 18 months! So, tonight we bribed him with M&M's, an elmo potty seat, and new underwear. He went once so far, but has already peed in his undies once. He is sitting naked on our couch right now as he refused to put anything on. Funny.

I am sitting here listening to Eric plat guitar hero with the kids, and feeling happy yet again!

Thankful

I am very aware of the blessings in my life. I have an amazing family complete with two healthy, happy boys and an adoring husband. I have my parents, sister and her family, and Eric's family too. Although far away, I have wonderful friends who love me in spite of my craziness and forgive my stupidity. I have been given a great opportunity to get my health back and be there more for my family.

I feel really lucky. In this horrible economy we have our jobs and we pay the bills. I have a house, two cars, and groceries. Life is good. Others are not as blessed as I am. I am aware of this.

On Tuesday, we will swear in our first black president. My children will know they were alive for this historic event. From this I hope we can see equality stretch to women, gays, and other minorities. I pray my children will see a gentler, kinder, world where people are judged on their merit and not their skin color, sex, or sexual preference. I am proud to be an American!

That's all I am thinking about today.

I love my surgeon!

Well, the last few days, in addition to the sadness, I have been feeling sick. I have been throwing up and such. So, today I went to my surgeon for my 6 week check up. I told him how I was feeling, and he told me I might have some scar tissue blocking the opening of my new stomach. He would like to see it resolve as it sometimes does, but if not I will need an endoscopy to dialate the opening. The good news is that I get another week off. The week after I return to half time and then I go full time. I pretty happy about that. It gives me a chance to see if this issue goes away, and if not I can get it fixed. I felt bad telling my boss, but it needs to be done. I would rather this than have an issue and be out again. The bad news is he thinks I should be on anti-depressants again. So off to my Family doc to get a script.

The boys are happy I am going to be around a little longer!

I just want to take a moment to thank North Colorado Surgical Associates, Dr. Quaid, and the staff at Poudre Valley Hospital. My gastric bypass went great because of them and I am getting wonderful support.

I'm getting closer to insanity!

Well, I know I have to do it. I don't want to but I need to. I have to go back to work next week. I am not sure if I can do it. I don't want to. Being home the last few weeks has made me realize that I wish I were home with the boys. I want to drive to school in the morning, play and watch T.V. with the little one. I want to have the freedom to raise my kids 24/7. But, like too many moms, it is not an option. So, last night I stayed awake crying because I have to go back to work. So not fair!

I think of making good, wholesome dinners every night, cleaning my house all of the time, amusing the 2 year old. I long to do these things. I don't care if I have a career and advanced degrees! Damnit, my oldest is 7. I am only going to have him here for a little while longer. Peter will be in school soon. What about the babies that come next?

Okay, I know I should be grateful that in this economy that I have a job and am paying my bills. But, I just can't be. I look at the choices we have made over the years and I wish I knew now what I didn't know then. Okay, I am stopping this before I get really depressed, but seriously, if how can you leave these little angels?

My New Year's Resolution

So I have a new New Year's Resolution. It is to actually keep up with this blog! So here goes, a year in a few sentences.

Medifast sucks! I got so sick on it and developed a Soy sensitivity. So no more.

My mother had three aneurysms clipped in April and we almost lost her, but she is doing great. Just a little dizziness at times, but she is working and doing well.

I had gastric bypass on 12/03/08. Be prepared for a lot of grumbling and confusiong on eating.

I will update pictures at some point, I swear.